


Spots Before Your Eyes

by AyanoTateyama



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Angst, Cunnilingus, F/M, Masturbation, NSFW, So Many italics my hand is Burning, Very Emotional and also slightly sexual Fantasies, less porn more takane's feelings about haruka, super flowy with run on sentences and weird syntax
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1235461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyanoTateyama/pseuds/AyanoTateyama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's when the computer is humming softly on standby and the blanket sits in a pile on the edge of her bed that his smile is etched into her retinas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spots Before Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> if you came here expecting really hot graphic porn or whatever youre gonna be sorta disappointed, sorry, this is all about Emotions

It's in the dead of the night, after she's sick of playing zombie games and killing games and strategy games and even Bejeweled. She can't sleep, yet she still flops on her bed and takes off her hair bands and headphones. She is certain she will oversleep tomorrow, maybe miss the whole day of school, because she knows when she finally falls asleep she will not wake up in 14 hours.

Even so, tonight she is especially restless. Her hair tickles her bare shoulders and sticks to her skin. The air in her room is stifling, the computer, in sleep mode, throws a faint blue glow across the walls, and Takane shifts around once, twice, three times, before she finally gives in.

She gulps in a deep breath of air. There's an itch she can't reach and a hitch in her throat and her hands wind down down down and she lifts her head up straight to the ceiling so she can't see her fingers gathering at the edges. She takes a shaky breath and she slips her hand past her underwear and flicks it a little, and just touches, tentatively and slowly.

 

She's not going to think about him.

She's not.

She keeps her head still but her eyes roam throughout the room, and she ends up focusing on the headphones she left on her desk. It's simple, they're headphones. She touches herself under her underwear, because this is simple and she's just looking at headphones and there's nothing wrong with that. They are a simple object. She listens to music with them. She uses them every day, to ignore people on the street, to act standoffish to Haruka even when she is listening to his every soun-

Don't go there. Don't go there don't go there don't go there.

 

She whips her head to the left to stare at her backpack. It's just a backpack. She puts her notebooks inside. That's all it is. That's all. She carries the backpack, with its notebooks, to school. And school is where she sees hi-

Don't go there

-m with an onigiri in one hand a-

don't go there don't

-nd the other _waving_ to her, he _waves_ to her, he _smiles_ and he _waves_ to her and _oh_ does it feel nice, does it make her feel so warm and nice when he smiles at her. 

She can't stop the flood of memories or the rush of pleasure. Her fingers are wet and she feels the bitterness of failure in the back of her throat because she _still_ thinks of him, she can't restrain herself, but he is so pretty and he is so happy and he smiles at her, not because of the food in his hand or the people around him, but for _her,_ and she laughs shakily about how even in her fantasies he is still eating, and _o h_ she shouldn't have thought that. She shouldn't have, she really shouldn't have, because now she's thinking about what he would say if she ever asked him, and _Eat you out? Well, I'm not sure how that works exactly but I really like eating so I'll probably like doing that too!_ and she hates it so much, he is such an honest, innocent, friendly, kind _jerk,_ she hates it because he would so crack some kind of weird joke like that, and he would be so good at eating her out, she shouldn't have thought that but she is so glad she did. 

She crosses her legs and imagines him there, and she knows that his hair would tickle her thighs and it would feel so soft and so lush under her hands. And she can imagine him making these little breathy laughs, where he's licking the juncture of her hip and thigh, because he is a _jerk_ who would be having fun seeing her gasp like this, who would enjoy her pleasure as his own. 

Her eyes flutter closed and her fingers are dripping as she brings one knuckle to her mouth. She bites the sensitive skin there, oh it's so sensitive and he knows just where she is sensitive and he smiles against her legs because he likes her, because he smiles at her every day, and the knuckle she's biting on helps keep her quiet when she's really dying, melting inside. 

She is warm but not enough, and she is tired and buzzing all at once, and the sensation is too much, and he brings it to her, it's all because of his stupid face and his stupid smile, and his stupid _I think you're really cool, Takane,_ and she would hate him if she didn't already love him. 

She's trembling so much, and her toes curl in and out and in and out and _in and out._ And she feels it like a wave, she is so close and he would be the one to bring her there, and the worst part is that _he would raise his head afterwards, rest it on his hands, and look up at her and tilt his head and smile because he likes her and because she looks pretty, maybe as pretty as him, when she's all red and raw and shaking._

Takane sobs into her knuckles and her legs twitch once, twice. She feels everything and nothing at once, but most of all she feels his lips, his smile, kisses pressed against her waist. 

And then it's over, and she's cold, and it's 2:23 AM on a school night, and Takane realizes where she is. 

Her blanket is bunched up at her feet and her sheets are wet, and most of all she's cold, she's so unbearably cold. His warmth, his hands aren't there, resting on her thighs, or massaging her side. His hair doesn't brush against her legs and his lips don't whisper sweet nothings against her chest. His smile that lit up the world beneath her eyelids isn't there. 

She is Takane Enomoto, and she is a 17 year old girl who couldn't stop thinking of her best friend.

And then the wave of nausea comes back again, and she feels disgusting, she shouldn't have done that and she shouldn't have gone there. Every time she comes thinking of his voice or his smile, and it's not fair, it's so not fair, and she only has herself to blame. And every time she thinks that she should tell him, she should finally just blurt it out, who the fuck cares about what people will think and who the fuck cares about how pathetic she is anyway, she just wants him to know. But then she goes and does things like this, and she can never admit to doing this, because the real Haruka, the one outside of her dreams, will back away and his eyes will widen, and he will hate her and fear her, because he is so sweet and she is so disgusting, because Takane has fantasies where he loves her and kisses her and _does things to her._

She doesn't want to see Haruka conflicted, she doesn't want his eyes to dim and his eyebrows to scrunch up. She doesn't want him to feel the heavy coil of betrayal that she feels, and she does not ever want to wipe the kind, trusting, unknowing expression off his face, so she keeps a secret and tries to memorize every smile that he gives her and she feels more sick and empty inside with each passing night.

Takane falls asleep to the ghost of his hands on her waist and his lips on her neck and the taste of guilt in her mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> takane is an insecure 17 year old girl starved for (harukas) attention and also dealing with some intense self hate over the fact that She Cannot Spit It Out
> 
> i hope this was in character because i adore takane and i want to do her amazing character justice 
> 
> thank you for reading!!


End file.
